November 22: 10 Months Old!

Ethan is 10 months old today! It's an age that I have not been able to even imagine. It seems like it came out of no where and I'm surprised every day on how much he is learning and growing. It seems to be all happening so fast. Maybe the time warp feeling comes from the sleep deprivation. One day, he's 5 lbs and we're bringing him home from the NICU and the next BAM! he's over 17 lbs and talking gibberish and crawling! But what a big boy he has become. He's so much fun.

Yep, he's now crawling. And life as we knew it has changed completely..again. We are constantly pulling Otis' toys out of Ethan's reach b/c Ethan's new favorite thing is searching for them and if we are not fast enough, licking them. And Otis's food dish has been moved into the back hallway because another favorite thing of Ethan's is to tip over the dish and slap the water around. Ethan's loving his new found independence and thinks all of the licking and slapping of water is awesome. To give Otis credit, he has actually handled the toy takeover well. He gently grabs his toy and moves them to another location. But his dish...that's another story. His dish has been in the same place since he was 10 weeks old and this is the one change that he is fighting us on. He has started staging 'sit ins'. He'll plop himself down exactly where he would to eat if his dish were in the proper location and stare at us. If we ignore him, he'll start whining. It's a little unsettling and I admit to having given in a few times already. Only to have Ethan come along and slap the water around. Then Jon comes by with a sigh and moves the dish to the hall again. I wonder how long this will go on? And who knew that moving a dish would be the change that put the dog over the edge :)

This past month we had Ethan's 9 month check up and the NICU follow up. Both went very well and Ethan now has his flu and H1N1 shots, so we're knocking on wood that we can keep him healthy this fall/winter. At the NICU follow up, he had to meet with a psychologist, a physical therapist and a neonatologist. It's all a little overwhelming. It's nice to have so many eyes on him and to hear the praises on well he's doing, but it's also confusing...more doctors means more opinions and they are not always consistent. We do our best to take it all in and then use our best judgement and intinct, that's all we can do, right?

He is now creeping up on 28" long and 17 1/2 lbs. He is officially on the charts for a baby his real age (no adjusted age talk anymore). Small for real age, but real age none the less. He passed all of his 'tests'. Although we were told not to 'walk' him anymore. That was a little disappointing to hear...it's was his top most fav thing to do. (above toy stealing and dish tipping). But the PT said that he was on the cusp of crawling and that if he knew we would help him around by walking with him, that he wouldn't push himself to crawl. She said if we were to stop, he would be crawling within the week. Turns out, she was right... 3 days later, he was cruising around the living room. :)

We're all looking forward to Thanksgiving (read: long) weekend. We'll be in Milwaukee at Grandma Koelsch's and it'll be nice seeing everyone and showing off Ethan's new skills. I'm really starting to look forward to Christmas as well. It's been a while since Grandma and Grandpa Kruse has seen the little guy. Not so much looking forward to the long drive with baby and dog in tow though. We had a really bad trip last year and hit a white out that was so bad, we ended up pulling into small town WI and getting a hotel room. I don't think I could handle that again, especially with Ethan in the car. It was bad enough doing it when I was pregnant. Let's hope for decent weather.

I'll end with a short video, of...you guessed it. Ethan crawling :) This was taken on Tuesday of last week. He's already gotten a lot better, but it's cute!

November 4 - Happy Halloween 2009!

We had a great Halloween here in Chicago. We were finally able to get out a little bit and see friends we haven't seen in weeks, the Nelsons (x2) and the Boutells...and Ethan got to catch up with his li'l gang - Beckett and Baylor. They made quite a cute crew in Wicker Park on Saturday. Although they did not participate in trick or treating or face painting (maybe next year), we all hung out in the play yard area and had a good time watching Maddie swing and run around. Can I also mention how good they all were!?! It was amazing. No crying or fussing at all. We even brought them all out to lunch. It took a while for all of us to settle in and I think the servers didn't know what to do with us, but I have to say it was a very successful group lunch considering the size and age range of our posse.

Ethan's big thing these days: walking. He wants to walk every where. Of course, he can't do this himself, so he recruits whomever is on hand to help him...Auntie Shell, Miriam, Mom, Dad. And in turn, we all have sore backs trying to keep up with the little man. It makes me wish that the old school walkers weren't thought to be such a hazard. (are they really that bad? I'm beginning to weigh the pro's and con's...)

Happy Birthday Mom (Grandma)!!! Hope you like the flowers that Ethan sent you. He's got pretty good taste, right? ;-)

Oct 28: Auntie Shell + New Camera = Lotsa Video

Wow, it's been awhile since I've updated! I can't believe it's been over a month. Work has been really crazy and it's been hard to balance life these days. I got my first (2) work trips under my belt. They were a little rough, but I made it through and Ethan is still in one piece. ;) It's good and bad. At this age, they don't really miss you...which is good. They just need someone to feed and play with them. The bad part? They don't miss you. Sigh.

We also took our first vacation since Ethan was born. Well, actually since our honeymoon. It was way overdue. It was not only our vacation, but Bob and Brandi's wedding in Las Vegas! It was beautiful and suh a good excuse to get out of the midwest and see some sun before the snow flies here in Chicago.

While we were gone, Auntie Shell came to stay with Ethan. She says she had a good time, although I think Ethan exhausted her a bit. I called to check in on her on Saturday night and she was sleeping...it was a little before 8pm CST. :)

Shell bought a new video camera for the occasion (and future occasions, I'm guessing). I've included a couple for you since I've been really bad at keeping up with pictures. You'll notice that his hair is out of control...again! I've cut it two times already and it's already grown out again. You can really tell it was me who cut Ethan's hair in these pictures ...yikes! I've gotta find someone who will do a better job!

Morning with Ethan and Auntie Shell:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/13def5c13035bbb4a9d0c702dfceb767/video/6859347

Meal Time:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/da693eefc9078991b889d523c5ffa79d/video/6894654

Ethan is sitting up alot now and is getting more sturdy every day. He still won't crawl; he doesn't seem to want to when he can roll to everything. But he does want to walk all over. I'm starting to think he'll walk before crawling. We'll just have to wait and see :)

I want to take a minute to give a call out to 2 of my very close friends today. I got a lot of good news.

1st: Congrats to Peni and Aaron...they are having a boy!! Pen, I know you wanted a girl, but I assure you, once the news sinks in, it will be all goodness :) Little boys have a way of wrapping their moms around their li'l fingers, so watch out. And remember, even a boy can have a little sparkle ;) Ha!

2nd: Congrats to Jen and Tom!! They will be bringing home a baby brother or sister to Katie this spring. Another impossibly cute baby on they way!

The baby boom continues into 2010!

September 20: First Annual Family Vacation

Last weekend, we had our first family vacation with Ethan. Theresa, Mom, Dad, Shell, Jon, Ethan, Otis and I all headed to the Dells for a weekend getaway. It was a lot of fun with just a few missteps along the way. We lucked out with perfect weather. The house we rented was beautiful and was on a private lake. The only issue I had was that the pictures made it seem like it was on a sandy beach with a swimming area, but in reality there were 50 + steps down to a murky area with one board thrown out to get to the paddle boat. Not like we were going to go swimming, but I had visions of plopping Ethan down on a blanket in the sand in his new little swim trunks and dipping his little toes in the water. Next year... :)

Of course, nothing can go completely smooth. At the last moment, Jon found out that his vacation request had been declined due to a last minute meeting that popped up with the President of the company. That sucked. It meant that I was alone to pack up the car and Ethan and myself, pick up Shell and head out of town. We decided that it would still make sense for me to leave at 10 am as we had originally planned and get there when Theresa and Mom and Dad were due to arrive, and Jon would take Amtrak straight from work and we'd pick him up.

I woke up at 5:45. Got a shower in before Ethan woke up. Right on cue, Ethan's eyes popped open at 6am and we got the first bottle of the day put away. I had packed most of our stuff the night before and Jon had brought the suitcase out for me, but I still had some odds and ends and also had to pack the car . Ethan usually is the best napper, but that morning, he decided he didn't need one. I couldn't get him to sleep. And b/c he missed his nap, he got cranky. I was starting to get a little panicky when it was 9am and I was supposed to be out of house by 10. I had managed to pull myself together, but I still had to pack the car with the cooler and misc stuff. I stuck Ethan in his crib screaming, and started to pack the car. Otis, seeing all of the stuff going into the car, figured out what was happening and got all nervous, not wanting to leave my side, thinking we were going to go somewhere without him, so I was tripping over him. I was really hoping the neighbors weren't trying to sleep in, b/c we had a screaming baby for 20 minutes while I loaded the car. I finished loading the car, got Ethan calmed down and fed him again, changed him and called Shell to tell her I'd be there in 20. I was only running about 15 minutes late that time, which is really good for me, b/c I usually was always 1/2 hour late everywhere I went B.E. (before Ethan). Proud of myself, I got Otis into the truck, cracked the window and went upstairs to load up Ethan, I picked up his car seat and noticed something was leaking all over my foot. I had trailed the car seat into the living room and up onto the ottoman, then looked back and noticed the trail. Although, I knew this couldn't be good, like a dumb ass, I stuck my hand in, pulled it out and smelled. WTF?!?!... Cat PEE!!!! I was furious. Ty is getting old and had been throwing up a lot, much to our frustration, but if he started peeing on things. That was it, I would have to do something about it. Once I calmed down a little, I realized that Miriam, our nanny, had washed the floors the day before, and had shoved Ty's litter box tight into the corner. Ty wasn't able to get to it. It also helped clear up the confusion on why Ty had whined at us the whole entire night before. Suddenly, I felt bad for him b/c he probably held it as long as he could then found the one thing that looked closest to his litter box. I was also relieved as he wasn't purposely peeing on our stuff. Didn't make the situation any easier, but at least Ty wasn't losing it. Again, I called Shell and told her I was going to be late.

If I would have had a way to get to a store with Ethan in tow, I would have just scrapped the entire car seat and bought a new one. Since I had no options and Jon was working. I set to work cleaning it. I pulled it all apart, soaked the cloth parts and cleaned it by hand, then stuck in the washing machine in hot water. Then I took the base, threw it in the sink, and filled the sink with hot water filled with Lysol. After a Lysol rinsing came detergent for the straps and then after the detergent I washed with color safe bleach. The thing was as clean as it was going to get. I set it outside to dry in the sun.

At this time it was 11:30. I had high hopes that we would be able to get out the door by 12pm. So called Shell, told her that I'd be there in 1/2 hour and then went to get the cloth parts out of the dryer in order to put the car seat back together. In my frenzy of finding the cat pee, I forgot how I took it apart, so had to go on line to figure it out. Got the directions, got it together, then realized that the stuffing inside the cloth was still wet. Not to be deterred, I came up with a plan to put a plastic disposable changing pad down, then a blanket, to keep Ethan from getting wet. Sounded good at the time and I was desperate to get out of the house. Of course, once I shoved Ethan in, I realized that the little guy would not be comfortable and he was all crackly. I couldn't bring my self to put him through all that and the possible wetness seeping through when we had a 3 hour drive in front of us. Crap. Out came Ethan.

OK, OK. Called Shell, told her it was going to be a little longer. By this time, I was 3 hours late. I saw that Jon was on line, so caught him on IM. He was surprised to see that we were still home. By this time, we were only 1 hour away from when he was going to catch the train, so it made sense to wait for him and during that time, dry the car seat completely through.

So, Jon gets home, we get Ethan fed again and loaded up; got Otis into the car and were on our way to Shell's ... only 4 1/2 hours late. I was exhausted before even leaving Chicago. Of course, we then had to call Theresa and Mom and Dad to let them know that we were going to be late :) Theresa got to the cabin early and got a little down time before everyone rolled in and Dad and Mom found a casino. All was good, for the moment.

That wasn't the end of our issues. Next, the GPS's. Jon and I and Dad have these wonderful little gadgets. And I love ours. I depend on it to get me everywhere and I rarely get lost around Chicago anymore. But, I learned last weekend that I'm a little too dependant on it. Thinking that the GPS can get me anywhere, I thought I wouldn't need the directions that were emailed to us earlier in the week. I believed in the power of the GPS. So, I found out, did Dad. Needless to say, Theresa, the only one to bring the directions with, had to come and find all of us on the back roads of Oxford, WI, as we were all lost.

Finally, at 6:30pm...4 1/2 later than expected ETA, we all had arrived and settled in and the rest of the weekend was stress free. As I mentioned, we had beautiful weather, Ethan was on his best and cutest behavior, flirting with all of his ladies. Jon and Dad got some fishing in...although no actual fish were caught. Otis got to go swimming and caused mayhem, but enjoyed himself thoroughly. He tried to follow Jon and Dad out by swimming after the paddle boat. He also swam up to our neighbor who was trying to fish and tried to 'fetch' his bobber. Thank god the neighbor found humor in the situation. We played some games, had some drinks and ate really well. Poor Theresa and Jon were subject to the Kruse rules while playing 500 rummy. What, doesn't everyone count the jokers and 2's as wild and count the queen of spades as 40 points?? Mom swears that this is the official 'rule book'. But no one could produce said book or remember the last time they saw it. There was also a crazy game of golf lasso, which Mom proclaimed Kruse's against the Koelsch's. Quickly following, I was unceremoniously dumped by my parents since I am now a Koelsch. I wish I could say the Koelsch's won, but those Kruse's are a mean bunch and we lost in overtime. There was heckling involved after. Just wait until next year.

August 28: Momma's gonna buy you a bottle of wine...wait. What?

Ok, ok. It's been a long time since I've sung nursery songs. I often find myself making up my own lyrics after one verse. Poor Ethan...the boy has no chance of inheriting any musical ability from us (well, from me at least, I won't speak for Jon). Not only do I mumble through the basic songs, I really cannot carry a tune to save my life. I've looked up a couple of lyrics on line, but, really, my brain is mush these days, and I forget them by the next day. So, I wing it. The other night after finishing up a long day of work and letting Miriam go, I catch myself singing the song "Momma's gonna buy you a Mockingbird" (is that really the name? I don't know). I actually know 2 verses to that. I get to "Momma's going to buy you a diamond ring, if that diamond ring don't shine, Momma's gonna buy you a bottle of wine" Wait, what? That can't be right... I had to think about it and re-sing it in my head. Nope, definitely not right...oops. I'm probably not going to win mother of the year anytime soon, but really, at that moment, I could have used a bottle of wine. :)

We've had a very busy couple of weeks. A lot of firsts for the little guy. Not only has he settled into a new schedule with Miriam, he started cereal AND, drum roll, please... is now sporting the very tip of a tooth! Yes, 4 months adjusted age and there you go... a tooth poking through. My sister wonders if I took growth hormones or something when I was pregnant. Shelly thinks that Ethan will be forever playing catch up without realizing he doesn't need to. Or maybe, Nancy, he may just be a one-upper, just like his mother :). At first I was elated and had to call the Grandparents. Then soon after found out it's not all that great. He doesn't have the motor skills to hold a teething ring, so he needs help to keep things to his mouth to chew and has been quite uncomfortable. It is what it is. And I'm sure once it's completely in, it'll be very cute.

He had a doctors appointment this week. 14lbs 2 oz & 24 1/4 in long. Getting SO big. His face is really starting to round out and so are his li'l legs and tummy. The doctor had all good things to say and is now viewing him as a normal infant, no longer a preemie. Of course, we still have to worry about his kidney. We have an ultrasound next month to see if there are any changes. But it's nice to know that his growth is going so well and he's on track.

Did I mention that he is now back to sleeping through the night? That's the best part :) Jon and I are getting (for the most part) uninterrupted sleep now and things feel like they are back to normal. Normal except that I am up at 6am every morning. That that will never be normal. But I have to say, I may grumble all the way to his room with one eye open, the moment I step over his crib and he gives me one of those toothless grins, it's not so bad all of a sudden.

August 11: Mmmm mmm good

Today Ethan had his first 'solid' meal, rice cereal. It was a very fun, but messy moment and of course, in true new parent fashion, we caught it all in pictures and in video.

To get to this point, we had to bring Ethan to the doctor today. He hasn't been eating well and is in fact, eating less currently than he was 6 weeks ago. After talking to the nurse practitioner on the phone, she said it may be cause for concern and to bring him in for a check. The first thing they did was weigh him, and surprisingly enough, he had gained 12 oz in 2 weeks, which is really good. I was relieved. Obviously, the decrease in quantity isn't affecting his growth. This took some of the urgency out of the situation. There, of course, could be several reasons for his loss of appetite. A few mentioned were: the heat; he could have hit a growth plateau or could be reacting to my going back to work. Or it could simply boredom of straight up formula. Based on my answers to her various questions, the NP thougth this may be the reason and since they were planning on putting him on rice cereal at our next appt, suggested we try it now and then we can evaluate his eating habits at our regularly scheduled appt in 2 weeks.

So, that is how we got to tonight. :) Ethan only took 3 1/2 oz out of his 6 oz bottle, so I busted out the cereal and BAM! (a little Emeril insert here) he didn't miss a beat. He was ready and he seemed to love it (although, I have no idea why, I tasted it...ack!). He even ate more than I had originally anticipated giving him as I made up more than I was supposed. I spilled extra cereal in when pouring ...oops. But he finished it all... Very fun, memorable night.

Behold, Ethan's first meal:

Note: I realized after the fact that Jon recorded the video vertically from my camera and now I can't figure out how to turn it. And it's sorta long. So, the video may be only for those hard core Ethan fans out there...or if you're really bored at work and need to break up the day. :)

Not anticipating a doctors visit today, Ethan was rockin one of his mohawk hair do's today. The ladies in the office ate it up. I guess that's what I get when it's dad's turn at bath night. He does sport a cute spike (curl) 'tho, doesn't he?

In other fun Ethan news, he is laughing now and it is hysterical. He sounds like a little donkey. The first time he did it, I didn't know what he was doing. When I figured it out, I busted up laughing myself. This made him laugh even more. I was dying. He's also rolling both back to front AND front to back now on a regular basis and this has now become his transport of choice. We have to watch him closer these days as he likes to roll off of his blankets, then off the rug, onto the hardwoods. I wasn't thinking that we would have a 'mobile' child so soon. Well, sorta mobile :) He definitely keeps us entertained and on our toes these days. And we're having so much fun with it.

July 26: 6 months! Can it be?

I've lost track on how many times I have sat down to update the blog. It's been difficult. To say that time is no longer my own is an understatement. And for someone who used to while away weekends watching Lifetime and Golden Girls, it's tough at times. I look back and wonder how I could possibly have had so much free time at my disposal... and wish that I could just get one Lifetime weekend back... just one :).

Back to the current reality: I have a feeling that's not going to happen in the near future. I'm back to work and now ready to tackle a role that I have never quite understood or have tried to for that matter...the working mom. Yikes. I officially went back on July 15 part time and have been attempting to juggle some small projects while still taking care of Ethan. Our nanny starts August 3rd and at that time, I will go back full time. This past 1 1/2 weeks have been crazy to say the least. I really had faith that I could do the part time thing AND take care of the Ethan. And I do sorta...badly...I am humbled. You wouldn't think that such a little person who isn't mobile yet and takes naps could still consume your so much of your day. As hard as I try, I get maybe 45 minutes at a time to work and then it's over before I can start. So, I try to get some extra hours in at night when I can, and constantly feel guilty that I'm not doing enough, on either end. I haven't balanced well. I can only hope this gets better.

I'm also struggling with the idea of handing Ethan over to someone else during the day. I'm not an overly emotional person, but with time running out, I find myself anxious. In some respects, I'm excited about getting fully back into the rhythm of work ...to be able to concentrate on something other than the entertainment of an infant. But I can't stop thinking that it's the end of something. I will never have time like this again with him and it's saddening me. I mean, I am the one who knows his schedule in and out. I am the one who gets to see every milestone come to life. I am the one who has had the priviledge of holding him and watching him as he sleeps, anytime of day, whenever I have wanted to. Even with the exhaustion and the sometimes long days of taking care of him, it's been amazingly wonderful. And because of this, I've found myself in tears more than a few times when the realization hits me that I'm going to be giving that time up to someone else very, very soon. And then I hug him a little too tightly and he gets mad. Oops. I'm sure I'm not stating anything new here. Mothers for decades have had to go through this when they go back to work. But it's worth noting. And I can't help it if I get a little emotional as we come to the end of this first chapter of Ethan's little life.

On a different note...summer seems to have finally arrived, well...sorta. Jon and I have been able to spend a little time out on our deck enjoying the warm nights. The cooler weather isn't all bad either now that cool means 75 degrees. Ethan is now big enough to sit out with us during the day and will even entertain himself on his playmat at times. And to loop back on the warm nights comment...He also has an earlier bedtime: 8pm. Yes, I said 8pm! I gotta admit, during that 1st month when I was only getting 2 hours of sleep at a time and was deliriously exhausted, I thought this day would never be possible. When his longer sleep periods first started, I thought it was all a fluke and had little panic attacks each evening thinking that he would slip back into his old ways and wake up every couple of hours. But, he hasn't slipped. And now sleeps for 7-10 hours at a stretch. He sometimes will wake up at 2 or 3am, but only needs to have a quick bottle and is back in his bed sleeping in 20 minutes. It's delightful. So, new routine...he starts getting ready for bed and has his bottle finished and is out by 8pm. This has given Jon and I are evenings back and we've even had a couple of late dinners and some wine on the deck after Ethan is all tucked in (well, when I'm not fighting the urge to go to bed at 8pm with Ethan...I think I'm still catching up :)

Ethan update... he's been growing so fast! Do I say that every post? I think I do...but it's amazing. He is now 6 months old and weighs in at a respectable 12lbs 12 oz. He's in catch up mode now and his doctor likes his progress. He had a growth spurt in MN...I swear it was all the clean air and Grandma's rocking technique that helped with that. He's smiling all of the time. He still likes to stand and does a great job of balancing himself for long periods of time. His head control is great, he has found his hands and sucks on his fingers all of the time...he's never been a passifier type of kid, which I am happy about...one less thing to wean him off of later. He also has started to like more play time...he's less dependant on us holding him and would rather look and bat at his toys or get lifted up in the air in play. He's paying attention to books that I read to him. And he loves to mimic...we stick out our tongue or vibrate our lips together and he concentrates really hard and woila! he does it too. Very cute. :) And just last night he rolled from his back to his stomach! It was huge as he hadn't even been trying this during the day yet. Too bad his first attempt was in the middle of the night and he scared the crap out of himself. I came running down the hall to answer the cries of a very distressed baby to fnd that he had managed to flip himself over and had one of his legs poking out from between the slats of his crib. It took awhile to calm him down after that one. But this did not deter him. All day today, he has been working on perfecting this move...but still gets upset when he is successful. Huh.

We got his 6 months pictures taken this past weekend and he handled them like a pro. They turned out so cute that I kinda went crazy on the ordering. The grandparents will have plenty of shots to choose from. On the other hand, Jon will never let me bring Ethan to a photo shoot alone again b/c I can't control myself and spent way too much money. Another oops. I really have no self control. The final pictures will be back on Aug 4 and I will post at that time. But we so have some low res proofs we can share now: they are below. He's such a cutie if I do say so myself, Kruse ears and all. Enjoy :)

Funny (?)story to end the post today: My sister, Michelle (Shell) and I were at Target yesterday. Target trips, always one of my favorite things to do, have taken on a whole new meaning since Ethan has come home. I can't seem to get out of there without an over flowing cart of stuff and usually some sort of big ticket item for the li'l guy...usually something that makes Jon sigh and shake his head as he surveys our living room that has been overtaken by contraptions that eat batteries in an alarmingly fast rate. Yesterday was no different. I've had my eye on an exersaucer for quite some time. Ethan's been too small for one, but with all of his standing and great head control, I was thinking this might be the time to pull the trigger and just buy it... especially with no Jon in sight. I decide to go for it and apply the mentality that I can ask forgiveness later. This thing is not small, but I add it to my already overflowing cart and set out to find Shell. She also has an overflowing cart and for a moment, I have a small fear that there is no way that we're going fit all of our stuff in my car. I put this fear aside just as quickly...there is always a way.

I am looking for Shell, bumping into people b/c the exersaucer is sticking out the sides. I lose it a couple of times and nice people help me put it back on...yes, I'm that person. I hate 'that' person and here I am, I've become one. I find Shell, we go to check out. Like I said, I have a heaping cart and gettin in line to check out is a little bit of a struggle. This single guy gets in line after me and has one pair of shorts to buy. I'm feeling a little embarrassed as I pile the stuff up for the Target associate to scan. I mean, I HATE being behind someone like me...do you see a theme? I pull the exersaucer up to get scanned and can't for the life of me ge it back down under the cart. I try to shove it the long way and it falls, I shove it the short way and I have it off balance, it falls. The nice guy behind me finally helps and we get it to stay. Then I drop some coffee on it and it falls. He patiently comes over and helps again. I mumble thank you with out really making eye contact this time and take off as soon as I get the receipt.

I find Shell waiting for me and we start pushing our obnoxiously full carts to the exit. In my haste, guess what; the exersaucer comes tumbling out... and guess what... the nice guy who was just buying one pair of shorts is behind me trying to exit as well...it didn't take him long to get through the line. I should have just let him go ahead of me. So, here we go again, he helps me put it back on my cart. It falls off. He tries again, I go 2 steps, it falls off. He then picks it up and says, "OK where is your car". I am mortified by this time and make a big deal on how I cannot accept his offer to carry to the car. Shell sees this and steps in to try to help by saying we can balance it on top of everything if I can hold it..Yes, I can do this. So, as Shell and I try to take over the exersaucer from the nice man, Shell let's go of her cart and it rolls all the way across the road and hits the curb on the other side, all the time the guy is trying to warn us. What? Huh? What is happening? Who are we?? I've turned into a side show freak...it's official. We retrieve Shell's cart, which thankfully missed any moving cars and we bee lined, rather awkwardly as I couldn't see over the exersaucer, to my car. Getting everything in the car, of course, is another story completely, which I'll skip for today. Because, really, isn't this enough?

June 12: Let the Summer Begin

I wanted to get a quick post out since it's been awhile. We are officially kicking off summer and heading out this weekend for our first ever family get away. It's Jon's birthday, so we rented a cottage in the MI woods where Otis can run and we can relax. Jon wants to go to a fish fry in the small town near by tonight...huh. I guess it's his birthday, so I will go along with it :)

Even though summer hasn't quite shown up yet weather wise, we've been getting out a lot over the last couple of weeks. We've been able to 'do lunch' with MM, hang out with Margaret and the boys and now that Baylor and Beckett are here, we've even had a couple of play dates with the whole new baby crew.

Going from left to right, we've got Morgan (8mos), Beckett (aka Diego), Ethan and rounding out the 4some is li'l Baylor. Interestingly enough, when you put 4 babies next to each other like this, chaos ensues. They were all wiggling (thus the blurry picture). Ethan was swinging his arms and hitting the others...Baylor was trying to suck on Ethan's flailing arm. They all started making crazy noises. It was like a little social experiment gone awry. :)

Ethan is doing great. He's over the 10lb mark and rolling over on a regular basis and is expanding his vocabulary to things that sound like ohhhwwwaaa and aighhhhh. He's brilliant, we just know it ;-) He sleeps fairly well at night now, so he's giving his mom and dad a break. Although, I'm still having mush brain moments. Just yesterday, I went to make a cup of coffee and forgot to put a cup underneath. It took me 5 whole minutes to realize this as I though I had already grabbed the cup and put it down somewhere. Never mind the big mess on the counter top which I didn't notice. Really? What has happened to me.

Ethan just started to nap in his pack n play rather than on me this week. This is surely not consistent yet, but baby steps, right? :) I think it'll be a little longer as I play the role of the human mattress, but we're moving in the right direction. Jen gave us a swing last month that has saved our lives. He falls asleep instantly and although we try not to abuse this magical power, we are now able to (mostly) have dinner without interruptions.

We head for MN next week...2 1/2 weeks visiting Grandma and Grandpa Kruse, Shelly, Peni, Nikkie and the Fargo crew. I also have a reunion, so will be heading back to Plummer and will have the chance to catch up with all of my high school friends. It's going to be a schedule packed trip, but I can't wait. Otis gets to make the trip too...it's his annual summer vacation where he gets to run off leash and swim in the Mississippi when ever he feels like it. It will be a good time for all. Let's hope summer is here by then!

I'll be back next week with pictures of our MI trip I'm sure. Have a great weekend everyone!

May 22: 9 lbs?

Happy Memorial Day weekend! I hope everyone has a great weekend and are able to relax and have some fun. We're hoping the weather is good enough to get outside. Otis is in desparate need of some play time.

We had Ethan's 4 month check up yesterday and found out he has tipped the 9 lb mark...9lb 2oz to be exact. I can't believe it, he's growing so fast! Our pediatrician is really pleased with his growth overall and he is on a good path to 'catch up' to babies his own age. We also had the appt with the PT this week and all is well. There is no issues with his head or range of motion with his neck, so all is well here on the Ethan front.

We had some play time this morning and I was able to snap some photos. He's really getting more and more active these days and it's fun to have play time. Anyway, I just thought I would share them before the holiday weekend and give Grandma Kruse more cute options so she can update her photo book. :)

May 19: It's A Roll Over!

Last night was pretty exciting here in the Koelsch household. Ethan was pretty active and had been practicing his new trick where he pushes off with his legs when leaning against my chest. He loves to do this and it is now hard to burp him because if he feels a solid surface under his legs, he wants to push. I'm waiting for me to miss him once and for him to catapult right out of my arms. So far, I've caught all attempted escape efforts. He was more active then usual, so I decided to put him to the test and give him some tummy time. I was hoping he would work on pushing himself up and work on his shoulder muscles. What I hadn't expected was that he would roll over for the very first time! :) I was so excited that you'd think that he had gotten up and run across the room. He did this 3-4 times after his first one before tiring out. Unfortunately, Jon was out and by the time that he got home, Ethan wasn't playing anymore. But I was able to catch the 2nd roll over on video, which you can find here:

also on You Tube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNCscGrtFSI

I have no new pictures of Ethan to post today; just the video. But I do have this picture of Otis sadly allowing us to use him as our entertainment. Hey, we don't get out much anymore. :)

Ethan is continuing to grow at an alarming speed. He is maxing out his newborn clothes and is out of his newborn diapers. Is that possible? We are on our 3rd size since bringing him home 6 weeks ago. And has it really been 6 weeks?

We've had doctors appointments every week since being home for one thing or another and this week is no different. We actually have 2 this week. His normal visit to his pediatrician for his 4 month shots and weight check...I'm thinking he's well over 8lbs by now...that's just my guess. He also has to go to a physical therapist. He is having an issue with only wanting to look to the right. It drives us bonkers. It started in the hospital...we think because the window was to the right of his crib. But it hasn't let up, even with us positioning his crib at home differently so the all of the noise and action is to the left. He will start crying if we try to move his head left, so needless to say, our doctors want to start working on that before it becomes worse. This also means he's constantly laying on one side of his head and our pediatrician said his face was looking a little squishy last time we were in...really? Squishy? That's something you shouldn't say to a new mom.

Between doctors visits, we've been getting out for walks when the weather cooperates. We broke in the deck for the first time this year by sharing a bottle of wine last Thursday night. Ethan handled it well and slept all cuddled in a blanket while mom and dad had some adult time. We were waiting on news of Jody and Keith's baby girls arrival. She was the last of the 4 spring babies in our friend circle and I'm happy to report they are all now here. Of course, our spring baby came a little early. :) Jon and Adrienne's little boy came next on May 1: Beckett Thomas. Then Lis and Jim's baby boy on May 5: Henry Thomas. And baby girl Boutell followed up the rear on May 14: Baylor Carolyn. She IS the only girl so only appropriate that she was fashionably late. Not so great for Jody, who had to wait 5 days after her due date for her arrival then endured a 36 hour labor!

Congrats to all of the new baby's and we're so thrilled all of Ethan's little friends were born happy and healthy. :)

May 14: In Loving Memory

I want to dedicate this posting to Grandpa Koelsch, whom we lost on April 29th. He had just had surgery to replace a valve in his heart. This surgery was supposed to enhance his quality of life and not end it, so this was all a horrible shock to the entire family, but even more so for Theresa, Bob and Jon.

Larry was someone who livened up a room when he entered it and kept people laughing. Family gatherings will never be the same without him. I personally will miss him dearly, he was always so accepting and loving of me. From the day that I met him, he made me feel like I was a part of the family. Jon and I also mourn him for Ethan, who will never know his grandfather. I lost all my grandparents before I turned 8 and I know the hole that is left by not having a chance to have that special relationship that grandparents bring to your life. We take some comfort in the fact that at least Larry got to meet Ethan. He was so proud of him and everything he had overcome and couldn't wait to see him grow up and to bring him fishing.

We already miss Larry and will remember him lovingly. We will make sure that Ethan knows that his Grandpa loved him dearly.

April 28: Pictures of Last Day in Hospital

We received pictures that were taken at the hospital on Ethan's last day. He didn't cooperate much as he wouldn't wake up, but we couldn't help purchasing them anyway since it was such a momentous occasion. He's already grown so much from these pictures, it's really remarkable.

Jon and I brought Ethan to Milwaukee this past weekend so he could see Grandma and meet his Great Grandma, Uncle Bob and Aunt Brandi and Great Aunt and Uncle Diane and John. Unfortunately, Grandpa was in the hospital recovering from surgery, but we were able to visit him while Grandma babysat and he is well on his way to recovery and should be home by now. We send our love to him and will be visiting again soon so he can get some time with Ethan. It was a short but good trip. We had to leave Otis at home for the first time and it was sad, but we didn't want to take on too much the first road trip. Poor Otis; no longer the baby of the family.

Ethan continues to grow at home. I'm not sure what he weighs these days, but I would guess he's past the 6 1/2 # mark by now...he feels heavier. Jon measured him and he is now 20 in. Crazy! He has another pediatrician appt this Friday, so we'll get a more accurate reading then. We did have him tested for acid reflux last week and we now know that he does not have it. Which we sorta knew since he's only spit up twice in his little life.

So, we have a big weekend coming up. Peni and Aaron are coming in from Grand Forks for a visit. It will give me an opportunity to get Ethan out a little as we have plans to see some of Chicago. I hope the weather cooperates. And Auntie Shell will get her first chance to baby sit as we're planning a dinner out when they are here.

Before I wrap, I can't help but to mention that we are on some major baby watch these days. Adrienne, Jody and Lis... we're thinking about you guys and can't wait until your little bundles arrive! Ethan needs playmates. It's a baby epidemic :)

April 23: Two Weeks Already?

We've now been home for 2 weeks as of today and it's been a bit of a blur. When I started a blog entry on our 2nd day home, I had every intention of filling in an update; all I was able to complete was the subject title if that tells you anything. I had no idea that such a little baby can consume so much of your time! I know my friends with baby's have told me as such, but I didn't quite understand the extent of it until now.

Ethan is doing great and Jon and I are loving having him home with us, although we have to admit to being a bit exhausted. Well, maybe more than a bit, but we're handling it the best we can. Grandma and Grandpa Kruse were here for a few days last week and Auntie Shell spent most of the first weekend here with us, so between their visits, it helped us relax a little as we didn't have to worry about Ethan needing attention. Grandma held Ethan for a record 9 hours one day; just giving him back when his diaper needed to be changed :)

The hospital has become a distant memory. Ethan is keeping true to character and has been a laid back and chill baby. He doesn't cry often and when he does, it's for a brief 3-5 seconds. We know we're lucky...so far :) And he's growing!! 11 1/2 oz in his first week. He is now above 6lbs and out of his preemie clothes and diapers and is close to fitting into newborn stuff. I was a little sad to put away the preemie clothes. Who would'a thought?

I was a little bit of a wreck the first couple of days home. He was so tiny and with no monitors telling us exactly what his heart rate and oxygen sat levels were, I was constantly checking on him to make sure he was breathing. But I suspect this is no different than any other new mom. So, it's nice to fit into normal new baby/new parents behavior now. I've calmed down since; especially since he is thriving so well outside of the hosptial. It's hard to even imagine Ethan as the same little baby that was in the hospital. He's just like any other new born. The only time I think of him as a preemie now is when I bring him out. People ask all the time, "how old"? 3 months. You can see the look in their faces? Yep, 3 months and 6 lbs. :) I have to give an explanation with each person. I think I'm just going to start saying 2 weeks and save the energy.

Even as good as Ethan has been, he is keeping us moving and as I mention above, it's hard to believe such a little thing that sleeps so much can take up so much of your time and energy. He's a little boy through and through. He makes lots of grunting, gremlin type sounds, especially at night when we're trying to sleep. These noises are something that I never expected. He has pee'd on me 4-5 times already and once he pooped an arc 3 feet long and doused his diaper organizer and ruined 6 diapers in that one instance. I just stood there in awe at that one. Who knew? There was also the time that he pee'd right onto my face. Jon was there to witness that one... I've never seen him laugh that hard...ever. And we're only through week 2. Oh, well, it's all worth it though. We just go through a sick amount of wet wipes. How life has changed. :)

Well, it's taken me 6 hours to try to get this post written and it now time for another feeding. :) I'll stop here for now but promise to post more often...or at least get new pictures posted.

April 11 - We're Home! The first 48...

April 7: It's Official...

We got the word this afternoon... Providing that there are no more Brady's, Ethan's homecoming is scheduled for Thursday!!!!!

We are still in a little bit of shock. I don't think it will feel real until we are walking out of Prentice with the li'l guy in his car seat.

Given the big news today, Tracy decided it was time that we give Ethan a bath together so I could get one under my belt before we bring him home. I think it was more fun for Tracy and I, but Ethan was a good sport. That's all have for now. Just wanted to share the news and post the bath and car seat pictures. :)

April 7: Quick Update

Quick update on what has happened/will be happening in the next 24 hours.

- Car seat test happened yesterday (I have pictures, will post later...he looks so tiny in the seat!)
- Ethan's feeding tube is out! Hopefully forever.
- Circumcision will happen today or tomorrow

Now we're just waiting on the Brady watch to complete. We've made it through 3 days. 2 to go!!! Ugh, we can barely stand it. He might be home for Easter :)

April 5: Brady Watch Has Begun

We're there. We are officially on "Brady Watch". A lot has happened over the past couple of days and it was a good weekend. Grandma and Grandpa Koelsch came for a visit. It was great to see them and show off how big Ethan has gotten and Grandma got to hold him for the first time. His overall progress has been great. Ethan's now at 5lbs 2oz and looks and feels like a newborn. He's gone 24 hours with feeding from a bottle and tomorrow he'll get the feeding tube out of his nose. He'll have to do all of his feeds by bottle for 48 hours without the tube and we can check feeding on his own off his list. Next is the Brady. We had gone 7 days with out a Brady...until yesterday. He had one at 7:30pm. We weren't really on Brady watch then b/c he wasn't taking all of his bottles. But we are today, and we're starting from scratch.

So, throughout the weekend, the nurses have been going through the checklist with us and making sure we are all ready. Do we have our classes done? Close: Infant CPR is on Tuesday (check). We should bring in his car seat (check). And, last but not least and pretty traumatizing on top of it all...the circumcision. We are to schedule it for tomorrow or Tuesday. They usually do this just days before the baby is released (check). !!!! What does this all mean? I hope I'm not jinxing us by saying this, but Ethan could be home by Friday!! It's so hard to believe, but we're that close (knock on wood). This morning, we put our final "must have" list of items together and Jon ran to BabiesRUs. Now, we are ready for everything. It doesn't seem real yet. I'm sure it won't until he is in that car seat and we are driving off from the hospital.

Please...keep us in your thoughts and pray for no Brady's. I think I will have a mini-meltdown if the they start up again when it really matters after he went 7 days without one.

PS...see pix below...Ethan doing his best 'Baby Elvis' impression. He's a natural, don't you think?

April 1 - No Joking

The past few days have been very good as well as difficult for Nicole and I. While Ethan is doing great and he accepts his bottle feeds like a champ, he is looking more and more like a full term baby, making it very difficult to leave the hospital without him. We can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and the anticipation is getting to us. Ethan could conceivably come home in a week… or in a month. We are not on official "Brady Watch", but we are keeping tabs anyway. To come home with Nicole and I, Ethan must prove to the doctors that he is just as healthy as any other full term baby, meaning he can accept his bottle feeds and most importantly, he must go without a drop in his oxygen and heart rate for 5 days straight. While I hope and pray that he stops having his drops right now, it will perhaps be some time before we get close to bringing him home. Nicole and I have learned not to put a timetable to things and to just let life run it's course and soon enough, Ethan will be home.

In other news, I (Jon) have finally learned how to properly hold Ethan without making him turn reddish / purple, making all the alarms go off and he even looks comfortable. For the longest time I would hold him and soon enough the nurses would come running and very nicely tell me that I'm not holding him correctly (as if I hadn't noticed all the bells and alarms!?!). To make myself feel better, I'd like to think that holding a preemie is more difficult than a full term baby.

Ethan's weight is up to 4 pounds, 12 ounces and he's really looking good.

March 31: Ethan's Crazy 'Do

Ethan is now taking regular baths and the nurses are having some fun with his hair. He's had some crazy 'do's the last two days and I had to share the pictures. He can't quite rock the Maddox mohawk yet...think his hair needs to fill in a little more first...;-).

We're still moving forward. Ethan's got the OK to take a bottle for every feed, but still hasn't been able to do so. The nurses don't want to force him, so it's in their discretion whether he gets a bottle or if they gavage feed him. His respiratory rate was high today, but he did have an eye exam this morning and saw his physical therapist (both of which came back normal), so the nurse on duty thought he may just be tired out and decided to skip his 1pm bottle. Ethan reacted to this is a very positive manner. Before the 4pm check, he was wide awake and making it very apparent that he was ready for a bottle by mouthing anything he could...his thumb, his whole fist, my finger when he got a hold of it, and even at one point, he went for my shirt. His RR still being up, his nurse got out the aspirator and pulled two huge boogers out of his nose. I have no idea how he was breathing around those things. After that, his breathing was not as hard and it was game on...both Jon and I were able to feed him by bottle...me at his 4pm and Jon at his 7pm feed. He's doing so great. His coordination and master of the bottle gives us reassurance that it's not going to be too much longer when he'll take a bottle every time. He's up to 40ml per feed as of today as well (he was at 36ml).

He also has not had a Brady for 2 days. We are not on Brady watch yet, but this is another good sign. With everything seemingly happening so fast, Jon and I realized this weekend that we need to get some classes in soon: "Infant CPR" and "Taking your Baby Home". We'll be trying to fit these in this week still if we can...we're waiting on the April schedule to figure out our plan of action.

After the classes and the regular bottle feeds, the next (not so subtle) queue that we're getting closer will be that the doctors ask us to bring in his car seat. They will test him by sitting him in it for an hour to make sure he handles it well. Yay!

We're trying not to get too ahead of ourselves. One day at a time right now and we're happy with every days progress and just trying to stay in the moment. We realize how lucky we are that Ethan is as healthy as he is given the situation and realize we're just so blessed to have him in our lives. We can wait a few extra days to bring him home if need be provided he comes home for good...happy and healthy.

March 30: In the Home Stretch...

That is what the doctor said to me this weekend. "We're in the home stretch now." What a geat 6 words.

Ethan will be at 37 weeks gestational age this Friday, which is considered full term if you were to deliver at this time. He is weighing in at a hearty 4lb 10oz. He is taking the bottle at every feed. After a couple of days of showing us he can keep up with his feedings, he'll be on Brady watch. He'll have to make it 5 days in a row without a heart rate drop. This could take a while as he still has 1-2 per day, but he'll grow out of them. Can we really be almost there?

I'm having such mixed emotions. Impatience, anxiety, fear, overwhelming love. I want him home so badly, but all of a sudden I'm wondering if he's being rushed? This has been the longest 10 weeks of my life, but at the same time, can it already be time to start thinking of the next steps...life outside the NICU?

For the first time yesterday, he cried when I put him down. I was getting ready to leave, so I put him back and tucked him in and he scrunched up his cute little face and wailed. He doesn't cry often, so I was taken aback. I picked him back up and he snuggled in and stopped. Does he really understand who I am? Was he really upset I let him go or was he just trying to poop? I don't really care, my heart melted. I know I say it over and over, but every day, it becomes harder to leave him. Soon we won't have to.

March 26: Getting Closer...

Things seem to be really taking off with Ethan. As you all know, he did pretty well with his first bottle, getting through all but the last 5ml Tuesday night. The doctors put him on a once/shift bottle feeding schedule, which is basically 2/day. Bottle feeding is exhausting for preemies when they first start, so they want to take it slow. The nurses know my schedule so saved his Wednesday afternoon feeding for me. I was looking forward to this all day at work. After getting all settled in, we hit a road block...he didn't want to open his mouth. He would purse his little lips and I had to patiently wait for a small opening to stick the bottle in. My patience won out and I finally did get it in, and it was worth it, he sucked enthusiastically and drained the bottle in no time. It was a great birthday present. He's a natural. I can tell he's going to be a good eater.

Today when I showed up, I got the news that they were upping his bottle feeds to every 6 hours since he was doing so well. Yay! Also, they had a 'drop down' on his checks. They are no longer doing his full checks every 3 hours, they will now be doing them every 6. The nurse on duty said he's getting closer...to coming home that is :) All good steps in the right direction!! He is also at 4lbs 6 oz now, he is fitting into all of his preemie clothes. He looks so cute. Unfortunately, I have no new pictures because the battery drained on my camera and I can't find my charger. Seriously, I can't keep track of anything these days!

So, today was a really good day. With all of the good news and another bottle feed under our belt, we're heading full steam forward towards that go home date. He was wide awake after we finished the bottle, so we got to hang out and play. Well, play is really me catching his little waving hands when he's flailing them about. But it's damn entertaining. Auntie Shell got to stop by and they got cuddle time as well. Unfortunately for Auntie Shell, Ethan had a bad bout of gas and she sat in his stinky fumes for most of her visit. Oops. I think her comment was "I thought babies were supposed to smell good." Said with watery eyes. Ha!

March 25: Ethan's First Bottle

Another big milestone was hit yesterday. We were able to bottle feed Ethan for the first time and in usual Ethan style, he was a champ. :-)

Usually, I don't spend late evenings at the hospital, but I started work again this week (just until Ethan comes home), so got a late start yesterday. After work and getting errands finished, it was 6:30pm. Jon and I decided to have dinner and do a late visit to the little monkey. We got to the hospital at 7:30pm and I called dibs on holding him first (very mature, I know). We had a great nurse on duty (Katie) that hadn't seen Ethan since his first days and told us how excited she was to have him again. She loved all of his hair :) She was very sweet and I loved her immediately because she thought Ethan was adorable. (He is of course).

I digress. He was supposed to have another eye exam yesterday, so we asked about it. It hadn't been charted, so Katie called in Ethan's resident doctor to see if he had any news. The doctor didn't. But when there, he gave us his update. He said Ethan was doing great. They were still watching his respiratory rate, but said that he thought that it was time to introduce the bottle to him. I was thrilled! I have only been waiting for this for a month. It was about 8:30pm when we got this news and Katie said that we would do his 10pm check early so we could try this provided his repiratory rate stayed around 60-70. Of course, we stared at the monitors. I also gave Jon the chance to hold him, since I wanted him back for the feeding :). The transition wasn't as smooth as we would have liked and he had a de-sat. After the de-sat, his RR was really high. We worked hard to calm him. Katie gently warned us that if it didn't normalize, that we would have to wait. I totally understood this...he needs to be ready and I was trying hard to hide my disappointment. But the little guy came through for us. By the time that his checks started and I got his temperature and diaper changed, his RR was in the 50's...perfect. And, he was wide awake! The stars were aligning.

Katie took control first. She wrapped him up like a burrito, then showed me the preemie hold for feeding and how to burp him and such. Then it was my turn. He's so little and the hold for preemies seems like it would be awkward, but much to my surprise, I got the hang of it right away. We had to coerce the nipple into his mouth, which was quite humorous for us. Once we got the nipple in, Ethan just stared at me with these big, bewildered eyes. It was so cute, but you had to wonder what he was thinking, the look was priceless. I held my breath, hoping that he wouldn't start choking, and then we heard a loud sucking noise. It was awesome! Right away, his instincts set in. He still stared at me with huge eyes, but would do 3-4 sucks and then stop and breathe for 3 seconds, then a few sucks, then breathe. It was adorable.

The plan was to stop him at 10ml and burp him, but he sucked down 15ml before we knew it. I burped him and as on queue, a little air came up. His first burp...ahhh. ;) We started feeding him again and he really sucked it down. So much so, that with only 5 ml left of his feeding, he must have gotten some of the milk down the wrong tube and had a little choking fit. That was a bit scary. His oxygen sat went down the lowest I've ever seen it, but Katie talked us through it and he worked it all out and didn't even fuss.

If all goes well, I'll get to try this all over again at 4pm today. The whole experience was so awesome and it was made better than Jon and I were both there together to do this with him.

I'll post more pictures later after work. Just had to get this post out to give you all of the good news.

To answer Jen's question from the comments section: he seems to love the swaddling. Who knew, right? He was such a sprawler when in the isolette. But now that he's out, he has to wear clothes and always has a hat and blankets on him and it doesn't seem to bother him. As he grows, he isn't able to move around as much as he once did. All the extra weight and stuff. Although when burping him last night, he picked his head up out of my hands a couple of times. That still is so weird to me.

And to Laurie, who left a comment on the last entry. Congratulations to you and your new son, Canyon! Mine and Jon's thoughts are with you through this time. When Jon read me your comments last night during dinner, I couldn't stop crying. It's not an easy road when your world suddenly slams you into a new direction. Once the shock of it all falls away, it helps to gain support from where ever you can find it! We've been lucky to have such great family and friends there with us through this whole experience. If Ethan's story was able to help you through any part of this, we are so humbled and happy at the same time. Thank you for letting us in on your story.

When we started this, we had no idea that it would it would gain as much interest as it has. I am always hearing about someone outside of our friends/family group that had this passed on to then and now they are followers. I can't tell you how much this means to us (and makes me a little nervous as well...I'm not the best writer... :). Thank you.

March 21: Ethan's (New) Pad

Ethan did it. He hit 4lbs yesterday! Not only did he hit 4lbs, he went straight to 4lbs 2oz...a 6 oz gain in one day! Well, it should have been only a 5 oz gain, since he had a big poop and lost an ounce. But that happened after the official daily weigh in. Too much information?? :-)

He is officially out of the isolette and Jon and I are so beyond happy about this. It's been over 24 hours and he is regulating his body temperature well. We are able to take him in and out of his bed by ourselves, so it allows us much more flexibility. Jon loves it since he hates sitting still and now can stand up and walk around (a little bit anyways) :)

He will have his cannula for another week to be on the safe side, but really, that is less of a disappointment for me now with his big news. It's a safety precaution that is necessary and my earlier disappointment was just my impatience of this whole situation shining through. I've tempered myself a bit and know that it's just a matter of time before he's home and we can't rush anything. His respiratory rate is a little better. Still too high to try feeding him by bottle, but hopefully we'll be able to try over the next couple of days. He is showing us he is interested in sucking. He's given a pacifier with a little milk on it when we do his feedings and he is pretty enthusiastic about it. So, all signs point in the right direction.

Not much else to report today. Just the big, big news. :) Thanks for all of your good thoughts and prayers. I know they helped in his great progress.

March 19: Back on the Cannula

We have a winner from the survey! Thank you to everyone who played along. It was fun to see the votes come in. In the end, Picture #2 won by 5 votes, so we have a new banner picture above. :)

Ethan's high respiratory rate woes have still not been resolved. I was able to have a small chat with our attending doctor today, Dr Kahn. She does not seem overly worried, although it's frustrating for us. We just want to keep progressing. I guess this is what they were talking about when they said 2 steps forward, one step back.

Some steps to help resolve the issue are in affect. He is back on the cannula until further notice. It may be that the avioli in his lungs may have constricted. The way Dr Khan explained it was that he has spent his little life getting breathing support. This has helped the avioli to stay open although his lungs are premature. He might have been weaned too early and because of this, the avioli were shrinking without the extra help. He may just need help to keep them open for awhile longer. This explanation was helpful to me and made sense. At least it was something. They are not sure this is the case, of course, and are just taking precautions.

The second thing they did was give him lasix, which is a diuretic. This dehydrated him and made him pee a lot, with the end result being that if there was any wetness in his lungs, it would dry them out. Because of the lasix, he lost water weight. UGH!! This was a tough one as the elusive 4lb mark has been hanging over our heads for a week now. I thought he would have hit it by now but instead we went backwards. I know it's temporary and I'm trying not to be disappointed, but it's really hard. Hopefully one of the two above things will bring about a solution to all of this. If not, they have other things they can look at. I won't go into those now as hopefully we won't have to go down that road.

So, we go into the weekend without meeting my personal set goals. They will slip to next week. Without him being moved into an open crib, there is no bath time. And we can't feed him by bottle until his resp. rate goes down for fear he may choke. We'll get there. The one good thing is that his whole experience is teaching me patience. Never been one of my strong suits, but I have no choice now.

On a positive note, (as I probably sound pretty down above and that is not completely the case), the nurses have shown me how to take Ethan in and out of his isolette, so I can move him around as much as I want without waiting for a nurse. We are spending a lot more holding time because of it and it gives an added amount of flexibility. Auntie Shell gets to hold him almost every day, which is fun. And he is up to 33 ml in his feeds as his 'full feed' has gone up again due to his age/size. He's tolerating the increases really well.

March 17: ...and a step back

Just a quick update as there have been some changes since the last post. I should know not to get too far ahead of myself, it comes back to bite me. We've had setbacks over the last couple of days. Ethan's respiratory rate is still higher than it should be and hasn't normalized. It's been consistently above 100 where the doctors would like to see it 60 or under. No one can pinpoint why this is happening. He looks like he's comfortable and doesn't seem under stress. His doctors are stumped, so they are throwing everything at him. He was given another blood transfusion...still high. They did (another) chest x-ray to make sure his lungs aren't wet. This too came back normal. They are doing a heart ultrasound sometime tonight. He's never had one of these, so Tracy his nurse is thinking this is a good thing anyways. He is also going through more blood tests and finally, they put the cannula back in to see if he just is getting tired of breathing on his own, although his blood/oxygen saturation rates are looking great. We'll see if any of the above will help.

We're a little confused on all of this and are not sure if we should be worried or if it's just part of the process of being only 34weeks gestational age. No one is freaking out and the doctors seem calm. Sigh.

In good news, he gained 2 ounces. He's now up to 3lbs 13oz or 1740 grams. Only 2 1/2 ounces (60 grams) to go to 4lbs. He also had another eye test today, which came back normal. He will now have one once a week for awhile as his eyes are going through a rapid development phase.

Again, I ask you to send your good thoughts Ethan and pray that the respiratory rate thing will turn out to be a non-issue. Please, please, please make it a non-issue.

March 15: New Poll - Which is your favorite picture?

We've been taking so many pictures as the days goes by, that I wanted to do another poll. You know, the one that I said we would do weekly, but have only done once? Oh, well. :) The winning picture gets to take over the header of the blog. Vote to the right by the end of Wednesday!

Jon and I spent the afternoon at the hospital today. Ethan is doing great, which I don't get tired of reporting. He is up to full feeds as of today! 30ml or 1 full ounce. Although, he's hit a wall on weight gain to our frustration. He's still at 3lbs 11oz after 3 days. Ugh! It's so frustrating. We are (un)patiently waiting for that golden 4lb mark.

Tracy, our primary nurse, made the off hand comment yesterday before leaving for her weekend: "Just think, he'll hit 4lbs and after that, all he needs to do is show us he can handle eating on his own and he's out of here." It made my heart almost stop. I know it's not as easy as all that: he needs to regulate his body temperature (which he seems to handle really well even before 4lbs) and stop the Brady's for 5 days straight. Although the Brady episodes are a lot less, he still seems to have 1 or 2 per day. Mostly, when he is trying to poop. Apparently pooping is tough business. He scared the hell out of me yesterday. I was feeding him and all of a sudden, his alarm bells went off out of nowhere. Two nurses were next to me within seconds. I realized he was in the middle of one of these Brady's. The next second, we all heard a loud, vibrating noise coming from his diaper and his face was all red. Like I said, pooping is hard work. Hopefully he'll get the hang of it soon :)

And lastly, like Tracy says, he needs to learn how to eat. He is still feeding through the gavage running through his nose. Although he hit 34 weeks yesterday (yes, only 34 weeks), his respiratory rate is still running slightly high, so they haven't given me the chance to try feeding him by mouth. Hopefully, I'll be able to report that we tried this in the next couple of days and we can start moving towards a go home date!! Ok, I gotta stop, I'm getting ahead of myself.

It's still all good news though and we just have to be patient... it's only a matter of time now. Whether it's 2 weeks or 4 weeks will depend on Ethan. Until that happens, we have some fun things to look forward to this week:

1) hitting 4lbs!
2) bassinet time
3) we get to give him a real bath in a tub for the first time :)
and
4) hopefully, feeding by mouth

Keep him in your thoughts and pray that this week, we'll hit all of the above milestones.

I wanted to send out a thank you to everyone for the fun comments you are leaving. It's so great to know that you are all out there reading and thinking about Ethan and we love reading them! Hopefully we'll be able to keep the good news coming!!

PS..check out the videos that are posted below the poll. They're small and Ethan isn't doing much...just showing off what he does best....looking freakin' adorable.

March 13: Big Day!

Yesterday was a big day. Auntie Shell finally got the chance to hold Ethan. And he didn't disappoint. He was awake and smiling through most of the hold. The smiling may have been from what he was working on...there were a few vibrations coming from his little butt, but whatever, it was cute either way.

He is now up to 3lbs 11 oz. His feeds are going up to 28ml today and he's doing great without his cannula. His respitory rate has been running a little high, but that should drop as he gets bigger and stronger. The best thing is that he is having very little brady's at this point. He truly has hit another level. And can I mention that he's so cute I can't stand it????

Jon or I will post more after today's visit. Gotta run!

March 11: Day by Day & Makin' Progress

Yesterday was another good day for Ethan. He is doing well breathing on his own and had only one drop in his respiratory rate, but that is only because his was lying on his stomach and he positioned his head straight down into the bed. The nurse said that when she came over to check on him, she had to laugh a little because he had both arms straight out on both sides and his face buried in the blankets. She said she picked him up and his noise was all mushed in!

Ethan is wearing clothes these days and is better able to control his own body temperature now that he's putting on more weight. The temperature setting in his isolette is at the lowest setting now and he's handling it well. Soon enough, he'll be in a bassinet. Also, Ethan's nurse noticed that he had been in the the same isolette since his birth and wanted to give him a fresh home, so now he has a shiny new isolette. Nothing fancy, just a new one, but it has more window space. Today his feedings will go up to 21 ml and he is digesting his food well enough. Hopefully we'll be able to feed him by bottle soon and get that last tube off his face!

The doctors continue to monitor his right kidney and said the latest ultrasound shows that the cyst grew from 2cm to 3cm. They say it's nothing to be concerned with and that they will just check it again month. Either way, his left kidney is working fine, I believe the nurse referred to his left kidney as working like a "Ferrari". Interesting...you can interpret that how ever you would like.

All in all, Ethan is looking much more like a little baby and we are both anxious to bring him home. Otis really wants to lick him, Nicole and I want to go into his bedroom to see him, not the hospital, and none of us want to deal with parking at the hospital anymore.

Mar 9: No More Cannula

I wanted to post a quick update as we had a very good day. When I got to the hospital, the first thing I noticed was that Ethan's cannula was missing. Yep, missing! He is tube free and looks adorable! He was breathing on his own and is doing great. He didn't have any drops at all with it out. This is a big, big milestone for us and one of the first signs that he is getting closer to coming home. We are thrilled.

He's up to 16ml on his feedings and his digestive system is working perfectly. He's also steadily gaining weight, now up to 1525 grams (or 3lbs 6oz). He needs to hit 1800 grams and be 34 weeks before he moves to the bassinet. He'll be 34 weeks on Saturday and I have a feeling it won't be too much longer than that he'll hit his 1800 grams (4lbs).

I'll have more to post tomorrow as I do have new stories to share...but for now, it's getting late and Jon and I are just getting to bed. We're exhausted after a very busy weekend. I'll also be sure to post new pictures.

Goodnight.

March 6: Li'l Pumkin

I don't have much time, but have been sitting on these adorable pictures of Ethan for 2 days and needed to post them for all of you to see. When Shell and I came in on Wednesday, Tracy had Ethan dressed in a little orange onesie. He was so cute, I almost died. :)

He is officially back on track. As of yesterday, he was weighing in at 3lbs 1oz. He started his regular feedings at 3ml as of 1pm yesterday. At his 4pm feeding, he had no residual left in his tummy, which is a great sign. Keep your fingers crossed that he can keep it up! They also brought him back down to Level 1 on his air flow. Next step, good bye cannula.

We also found out that at 4lbs, he'll be taken out of his isolette and will be in just a basic basinette. If he keeps gaining weight like he is, we could possibly see this in the next 10 days I would hope. It's nice to have these milestones to look forward to. Keeps us sane and our spirits up. This would also mean that he will be easier to hold and that Auntie Shell will finally get her chance!

I just have to say that everyone has been so great over the past 10 days as we got through Ethan's infection. Thank you for all of your well wishes: the calls, emails, posts and texts. And it was nice to be able to have visitors again. Jen, Marisa and Chris all stopped by this week, and of course Shell. If you are reading this, it was great to be able to see all of you and get in a few laughs.

Off to the hospital!

March 4: 3 POUNDS!

Hello, it’s Jon again. Last night we had another huge milestone. After I held Ethan for 2 hours last night, I ran out to get the camera. While I was gone, the nurses changed out his bedding and decided to clean him up a little for the camera. When I got back with the camera, they had a little surprise for me. Ethan had gained 3 ounces and tipped the scales at 3 pounds! Nicole and I had secretly been hoping to hit the 3 pound mark before Saturday, but as usual, Ethan is ahead of the curve. I think the hospital had some extra nurses on duty last night so instead of 1, Ethan had 2 nurses going goo goo over how cute he was and how proud they were of his latest achievement.

Holding Ethan for a full 2 hours was great. That is the longest I’ve ever held him and for anyone that knows me, I have a REALLY tough time sitting still for 10 minutes, let alone 2 hours. But, I learned to adapt and had a few long conversations with Ethan. I told him all about Otis and how he’ll try to lick him (right after he licked himself), that Otis will be jealous of him and how Otis will try to steal his toys from him. There are so many things you can do and say to someone who can’t understand a word you say, the possibilities are endless…

Like I said, the nurses got Ethan all cleaned up for a few photos and in his usual fashion after being held and bundled up, he woke up and stretched out.

In other updates, Ethan had his eye exam today and there is no news, which is good news. The doctors just said he looks normal for his developmental age and they would check back again in 2 weeks. He will have another x-ray of his belly taken today and if all goes well, they will start to feed him again tonight or tomorrow. With a little luck, he’ll get back up to full feedings soon!

March 2: Ethan's got an Attitude

Quick little story to start the blog today. On Auntie Shell's visits it's almost a given that Ethan is sleeping. She usually just misses him awake; either she gets there right after an energy burst or as soon as she leaves, he wakes up. Despite of this, she can't help but touch him anyway. It's all become kind of a joke. So, today when she came for a visit over her lunch, per usual, Ethan was passed out. And per usual, she couldn't help but touch him and bug him a little. Above is a post of a picture of his response to her today...he wasn't havin' it. :)

Ethan's still doing well on his antibiotics. If tomorrow's x-ray looks good, they will start his feeds again on Wednesday, so cross your fingers that everything goes as planned. On the not such good news, he gets his ROP eye exam tomorrow. Preemies are at a bigger risk for several types of eye problems. They say this test is not 'comfortable' for the baby. It sounds a little worse than not 'comfortable'. They will give him eye drops to numb the eyes before starting, then open the eye as far as possible to look at all parts of the eye...pretty invasive procedure...ugh. I know this is something that needs to be done, but I have been dreading this test ever since they told us about it. I can't even think about them doing this to my little boy. I'll be happy when it's all over.

Back to better news...he is up to 2lbs 13 oz today, so his growth is still going steady. I noticed today that his ID band fit. It's a big moment as last week when they tried to put it on his ankle, it would just fall off. It's hard to believe that just one week could make such a difference! His little toes and fingers are even beginning to look chubby...(hopefully they don't get as chubby as mommy's toes...but that's another story entirely)!

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to hold him today. I had a nurse that didn't like to wake him if he's sleeping. Well, he never woke up completely the whole time I was there. We still had a good day though...I spent a lot of the time reading to him. Thank you to Nancy and Staci for the awesome books! We read "On the Day You Were Born", "You are my I Love You", "ABC I Love You" and "The Little Train that Could". It's been a long time since I've read children's books and I don't know if I was just a little emotional or what, but those books were so sweet, I kept choking up. I think Ethan enjoyed them. He kept his eyes closed while reading, but when I would stop, he would open his eyes and look around until I started reading again, he would close them again. It was all very touching and we found a new way to bond.

Since I started with a picture of Ethan with an attitude, I'll end with him looking all sweet :)

PS... A couple of you have told me that you haven't been able to post comments. I checked out the settings and it looks like I had disabled this somehow...oops! You should now be able to leave comments again.