I've lost track on how many times I have sat down to update the blog. It's been difficult. To say that time is no longer my own is an understatement. And for someone who used to while away weekends watching Lifetime and Golden Girls, it's tough at times. I look back and wonder how I could possibly have had so much free time at my disposal... and wish that I could just get one Lifetime weekend back... just one :).
Back to the current reality: I have a feeling that's not going to happen in the near future. I'm back to work and now ready to tackle a role that I have never quite understood or have tried to for that matter...the working mom. Yikes. I officially went back on July 15 part time and have been attempting to juggle some small projects while still taking care of Ethan. Our nanny starts August 3rd and at that time, I will go back full time. This past 1 1/2 weeks have been crazy to say the least. I really had faith that I could do the part time thing AND take care of the Ethan. And I do sorta...badly...I am humbled. You wouldn't think that such a little person who isn't mobile yet and takes naps could still consume your so much of your day. As hard as I try, I get maybe 45 minutes at a time to work and then it's over before I can start. So, I try to get some extra hours in at night when I can, and constantly feel guilty that I'm not doing enough, on either end. I haven't balanced well. I can only hope this gets better.
I'm also struggling with the idea of handing Ethan over to someone else during the day. I'm not an overly emotional person, but with time running out, I find myself anxious. In some respects, I'm excited about getting fully back into the rhythm of work ...to be able to concentrate on something other than the entertainment of an infant. But I can't stop thinking that it's the end of something. I will never have time like this again with him and it's saddening me. I mean, I am the one who knows his schedule in and out. I am the one who gets to see every milestone come to life. I am the one who has had the priviledge of holding him and watching him as he sleeps, anytime of day, whenever I have wanted to. Even with the exhaustion and the sometimes long days of taking care of him, it's been amazingly wonderful. And because of this, I've found myself in tears more than a few times when the realization hits me that I'm going to be giving that time up to someone else very, very soon. And then I hug him a little too tightly and he gets mad. Oops. I'm sure I'm not stating anything new here. Mothers for decades have had to go through this when they go back to work. But it's worth noting. And I can't help it if I get a little emotional as we come to the end of this first chapter of Ethan's little life.
On a different note...summer seems to have finally arrived, well...sorta. Jon and I have been able to spend a little time out on our deck enjoying the warm nights. The cooler weather isn't all bad either now that cool means 75 degrees. Ethan is now big enough to sit out with us during the day and will even entertain himself on his playmat at times. And to loop back on the warm nights comment...He also has an earlier bedtime: 8pm. Yes, I said 8pm! I gotta admit, during that 1st month when I was only getting 2 hours of sleep at a time and was deliriously exhausted, I thought this day would never be possible. When his longer sleep periods first started, I thought it was all a fluke and had little panic attacks each evening thinking that he would slip back into his old ways and wake up every couple of hours. But, he hasn't slipped. And now sleeps for 7-10 hours at a stretch. He sometimes will wake up at 2 or 3am, but only needs to have a quick bottle and is back in his bed sleeping in 20 minutes. It's delightful. So, new routine...he starts getting ready for bed and has his bottle finished and is out by 8pm. This has given Jon and I are evenings back and we've even had a couple of late dinners and some wine on the deck after Ethan is all tucked in (well, when I'm not fighting the urge to go to bed at 8pm with Ethan...I think I'm still catching up :)
Ethan update... he's been growing so fast! Do I say that every post? I think I do...but it's amazing. He is now 6 months old and weighs in at a respectable 12lbs 12 oz. He's in catch up mode now and his doctor likes his progress. He had a growth spurt in MN...I swear it was all the clean air and Grandma's rocking technique that helped with that. He's smiling all of the time. He still likes to stand and does a great job of balancing himself for long periods of time. His head control is great, he has found his hands and sucks on his fingers all of the time...he's never been a passifier type of kid, which I am happy about...one less thing to wean him off of later. He also has started to like more play time...he's less dependant on us holding him and would rather look and bat at his toys or get lifted up in the air in play. He's paying attention to books that I read to him. And he loves to mimic...we stick out our tongue or vibrate our lips together and he concentrates really hard and woila! he does it too. Very cute. :) And just last night he rolled from his back to his stomach! It was huge as he hadn't even been trying this during the day yet. Too bad his first attempt was in the middle of the night and he scared the crap out of himself. I came running down the hall to answer the cries of a very distressed baby to fnd that he had managed to flip himself over and had one of his legs poking out from between the slats of his crib. It took awhile to calm him down after that one. But this did not deter him. All day today, he has been working on perfecting this move...but still gets upset when he is successful. Huh.
We got his 6 months pictures taken this past weekend and he handled them like a pro. They turned out so cute that I kinda went crazy on the ordering. The grandparents will have plenty of shots to choose from. On the other hand, Jon will never let me bring Ethan to a photo shoot alone again b/c I can't control myself and spent way too much money. Another oops. I really have no self control. The final pictures will be back on Aug 4 and I will post at that time. But we so have some low res proofs we can share now: they are below. He's such a cutie if I do say so myself, Kruse ears and all. Enjoy :)
Funny (?)story to end the post today: My sister, Michelle (Shell) and I were at Target yesterday. Target trips, always one of my favorite things to do, have taken on a whole new meaning since Ethan has come home. I can't seem to get out of there without an over flowing cart of stuff and usually some sort of big ticket item for the li'l guy...usually something that makes Jon sigh and shake his head as he surveys our living room that has been overtaken by contraptions that eat batteries in an alarmingly fast rate. Yesterday was no different. I've had my eye on an exersaucer for quite some time. Ethan's been too small for one, but with all of his standing and great head control, I was thinking this might be the time to pull the trigger and just buy it... especially with no Jon in sight. I decide to go for it and apply the mentality that I can ask forgiveness later. This thing is not small, but I add it to my already overflowing cart and set out to find Shell. She also has an overflowing cart and for a moment, I have a small fear that there is no way that we're going fit all of our stuff in my car. I put this fear aside just as quickly...there is always a way.I am looking for Shell, bumping into people b/c the exersaucer is sticking out the sides. I lose it a couple of times and nice people help me put it back on...yes, I'm that person. I hate 'that' person and here I am, I've become one. I find Shell, we go to check out. Like I said, I have a heaping cart and gettin in line to check out is a little bit of a struggle. This single guy gets in line after me and has one pair of shorts to buy. I'm feeling a little embarrassed as I pile the stuff up for the Target associate to scan. I mean, I HATE being behind someone like me...do you see a theme? I pull the exersaucer up to get scanned and can't for the life of me ge it back down under the cart. I try to shove it the long way and it falls, I shove it the short way and I have it off balance, it falls. The nice guy behind me finally helps and we get it to stay. Then I drop some coffee on it and it falls. He patiently comes over and helps again. I mumble thank you with out really making eye contact this time and take off as soon as I get the receipt.
I find Shell waiting for me and we start pushing our obnoxiously full carts to the exit. In my haste, guess what; the exersaucer comes tumbling out... and guess what... the nice guy who was just buying one pair of shorts is behind me trying to exit as well...it didn't take him long to get through the line. I should have just let him go ahead of me. So, here we go again, he helps me put it back on my cart. It falls off. He tries again, I go 2 steps, it falls off. He then picks it up and says, "OK where is your car". I am mortified by this time and make a big deal on how I cannot accept his offer to carry to the car. Shell sees this and steps in to try to help by saying we can balance it on top of everything if I can hold it..Yes, I can do this. So, as Shell and I try to take over the exersaucer from the nice man, Shell let's go of her cart and it rolls all the way across the road and hits the curb on the other side, all the time the guy is trying to warn us. What? Huh? What is happening? Who are we?? I've turned into a side show freak...it's official. We retrieve Shell's cart, which thankfully missed any moving cars and we bee lined, rather awkwardly as I couldn't see over the exersaucer, to my car. Getting everything in the car, of course, is another story completely, which I'll skip for today. Because, really, isn't this enough?
